Library ----- Table of Contents
The doorbell rings and the dogs bark at dawn to wake up Dimas — The maid and her knight are waiting outside the door on the porch — Dimas meets them — Aria introduces her chaperone and explains the situation — Aria speaks the ugly truth
The next day, Sunday, my doorbell rang—
Ding-ding-di-di-dididididididi—whoever
Rang it pushed the button like my sister.
I woke up to this ringing, the ringing on my phone,
And the beautiful symphony of my two anklebiters,
My two dogs yapping Bloody Mary from their cages.
I checked my phone. Who in the world would be
Ringing the door at five-thirty in the morning?
It was Summer, so it wasn’t dark, but really?
Of course, knock and it shall be opened.
Upon my repentance for never answering the door
To mailmen when I was young, I got dressed,
Took a wee, rushed down, let the dogs out their cages,
And sent them to play in the backyard. Then
I opened the door to find Aria without her veil alongside
An old man of average height … in Germany …
Elegantly dressed in a black suit, white shirt,
And—ah I saw then why they called men in
Suits ‘penguins’—he wore a black bowtie to
Complete his ensemble. Right away I
Recognized him as someone whom I knew
But Aria spoke before I could react.
She waved her hand and said, ‘Good morning, Dimas!’
‘It’s Aria and starting today I’m
Coming by to live with you as a maid—kind of,
But not really, since my room, the maidhouse—
Did I call it a, never mind—my room is
At Mother Margaret’s. That’s where I’ll stay!
As you agreed, I—’ The girl blushed ‘—I—I
Won’t be living with you. We’ll date under
Supervision. And you were right, my Dad
Can’t supervise because he has to say mass,
So here’s this instead. Here he is, a Knight! —’
She exclaimed. ‘—Of Columbus. Err,
Patrick will be following us to make
Sure nothing dangerous happens between us.
I—ah—’ It sounded as if her heart was
About to pop out of her chest. She sounded like a spazz.
‘I—I Really can’t believe this is happening.
I’ve got to be honest, Dimas I—I—’
Aria’s face grew purple. She breathed in.
The color came back. Aria clasped her hands.
Twelve awkward seconds passed. Patrick looked at me,
Then raised his brow like he couldn’t believe
It was legal for us young people to vote.
Aria because she might be—I won’t say—
Dimas, because he still hadn’t invited
Him and the poor lady inside yet which
From where Patrick stood Patrick likely thought
Patrick would have invited the girl and her chaperone
Inside the house upon opening the door.
And you know what? Patrick was right, and the
Judgment of that old man’s brow inspired me
With shame to open my mouth, but right when
I was about to invite them in, Aria perked up.
Aria smiled from cheek to cheek and said,
‘You know what? I’ll say it. Dimas, Patrick,
I can’t figure out a nice way to say it,
But Dimas, if we’re to be, potentially,
Husband and wife then we must not keep secrets.
Now, meeting you was like being part of the first episode
Of a season of The Bachelorette, except
Instead of 25 guys, it’s one guy,
And the guy isn’t even that handsome,
But maybe he could be handsome, or not,
And maybe that’s the mystery! He didn’t shower,
His clothes are wrinkled, there’s a stain on his shirt.
He’s not tall. Not that he can change that, but I could—
Excuse me I shouldn’t say, not you here Patrick, hehe,
Hehehehehehe,’ Aria had an ugly laugh. Her eyes squinted,
Kind of like Father Tell’s. Then she wiped her… mouth?
Yea, she wiped it with her sleeve before continuing her speech.
‘C’mon,’ she goaded, hands pushed out. ‘You’re a writer,
So you claim. Find something which rhymes with tall.
Dad told me you write poetry, but you never share.
No worries, I can imagine how embarrassing it is
To have your occupation named as “Artist.” I mean,
It’s no wonder you still work in an office.’
Aria put her hands down, and smirked. She said,
‘But I will say this is one of the most exciting things
Which happened in my life. Perhaps you know it too?
It’d be girls for you, but for me, when I see a guy,
An ugly guy I sometimes wonder what it’d be like
To kiss said guy, even though he’s ugly.
It’s like, on sight alone, you don’t want to kiss
An ugly guy, but you wonder what it’d be like
To kiss a guy whom you have no attraction to.
Of course, you aren’t that ugly. You just don’t
Cause me to feel anything, which I guess is
What you were always going for at mass for
Your chastity’s sake when every day you show
Up in your un-ironed clothes, uncombed hair,
And black little pants full of dog hair, but
Maybe there’s some truth to what they say about
People who hang out with animals. A man
Is half of what his friends are, and if your
Friends are dogs well I guess that’d explain—’
Aria screwed her eyes closed, tight. Then she
Opened them and said, ‘Know what? Never mind.
If Dad thinks it’s a good idea, it’s a good idea.
I mean, it’s not like I don’t want to get married
Or don’t want to have children or don’t want to…
I just want to … are your dogs barking in the back.
I love dogs too. Do you love dogs? Oh is that a cat?
I like cats too. I think animals are cute. I—’
‘Patrick,’ I said, dead-faced. Aria shut up.
Patrick turned to face me, mouth agape.
‘Dimas?’ Patrick said, concerned. Finally,
A voice which wasn’t Aria’s.
‘Patrick, can I send her back?’