Library ----- Table of Contents
So the night passed and I remembered little
Of the pleasant dream I had.
In former days I used to remember too much,
But… no matter, for my sake I won’t describe
How one may lead that double life
Where the film between dream and real dissolves.
All that one should know is that when I woke at 5 AM
I got up from my floor and performed my corporate role:
Shower, teeth, clothes, self-care fit for spreadsheets.
There’s much to say about how financially predictable
Most of our lives were in those times, but I won’t say
For I think we’ve had enough of those diatribes.
Instead, for good of mind, I’ll say I ended up in a suit, a tie,
And a pair of black leather loafers
Which against all the fashions of the modern world,
After waiting a couple hours
I wore outside of working hours on my way to
Waterville’s Saint Mary's Catholic Church and School.
This was done not because I was holy no,
But because, in essence, before God
I always found myself filthy inside and out
And from the films around me,
I learned of four classes of men:
Ugly outside beautiful inside, beautiful outside, ugly inside,
Beautiful out and in, and ugly in and out.
So guess when it came for me to know
The class of man I was, when I found in God objective laws
For how to dress and look I fixed myself to Him
By fixing all my clothes.
Then it came to be that at twenty-two,
I was beautiful out, and a worm within,
Least by what God may have considered.
In the eyes of the world, I was just a little man,
An alien in a land which I did not normally belong
Where Scands walked their snow-filled plains
When I should have been in a jungle praying.
Not that such vanities mattered if one was Christian,
But one always needed reasons to justify laziness,
And every fault of mine I knew I only had myself to blame.
One, because I hardly tried, and two, because with enough time
I got used to being alone all the time,
And let this be known,
Before God some things ought to get used to being all the time
While other things not at all.
It was for those things one should never get used to
That I drove myself to the church early at 7AM for Adoration,
Where I sat myself before God
And bugged the priest before the appointed confession times
For a private discussion.
Father Tell, the priest, complied with my wish.
He brought me to his office. The two of us sat.
Father Tell said, ‘Glad to see you this morning, Dimas.
Usually, men you’re age are off doing other things
On weekend mornings. Not that there’s anything wrong,
But it’s just that it’s good to see you here with God.
Now, what do you wish to speak about?’
I coughed, and said, ‘Father Tell! By God, I need your help.
You know our world’s isolated.
You know our flock’s compartmentalized.
Father, find me a wife,
So my entry into Heaven may be assured
By my raising a family,
A little battle mech praying Mary’s Rosary.
What’s a mech you say?
It’s a tank that stands on two legs,
Like whatever it was called from
Legally distinct Lightning Rangers.
I get the head, kids can be hands or feet.
And if you’ve ever watched Atlantic Rim
It’ll be like… you know what,
If my praying the Rosary be a nuclear bomb in Hell
Then let my family, as many as God should give,
Be a rain of asteroids upon the devil’s lands
Because, Father, Marriage is a sacrament. Singleness is not,
Unless I’m consecrated, but God does not call
For me being single as a priest or in a brothel’s
Just like me giving up before I try,
So I say, God’s will over mine!
A man like me getting a wife may be
More glorious to God’s mercies
Than a man like me becoming a priest.
I may work my whole life repenting for what I’ve done,
But I feel I should try doing that by making someone else
Happy, truly happy for once,
And children happy, truly happy for once.
Let Mary be pleased that a sinner like me,
Whose gene is so full of curses and brimstone
Could by the body and blood of God
Raise a family of saints.’
Or rather, I wish I could have said something so unhinged.
No, this wasn’t fiction, but real life,
And I couldn’t just reveal all my motivations.
Not that I could ever say anything eloquent like this
Off the top of my bitter, seething mind.
So I coughed, shuffled a bit in the chair and said,
‘Father Tell, I’ll be straight. This is probably weird to you,
But do you know anyone here who’d like to get married?
Say a woman about my age or younger, who prays rosaries?’
Yeah, we were not in a play, so I can only say
That the rest of our dialogue was quite mundane.