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VIII
Some days ago,
From the sacrament of confession, I received a penance,
But knowing me as a weak and inexperienced soul,
During prayer he whispered, tried to convince me
To reject the grace of God in favor of punishment.
See, I had already done my penance,
But the matter of guilt, so wrought me,
Because the bodily affliction would not let me forget the sin,
That I received the idea that there was an easy way to heaven.
I would share to the world what I gave to God in confession,
And through the world, which was without mercy,
I would receive my end, go straight to heaven.
I would die, by an executioner’s hands, and be with God.
And why! Such an appealing thought!
It was barely suicide, since, technically,
There was the possibility I could receive mercy
For the crimes which God spared me from death,
But I myself could leverage to seek my entrance.
However, I was very much delighted at the thought of dying,
And it was this delight which disquieted me very much,
For through further prayer,
By some intercession there came a dryer thought
Which told me of the way I planned to reject grace.
‘Penance is penance, prescribed by God and that’s it.
Why would you add to your penance,
When God, who speaks in confession, hasn’t prescribed it?’
I’ll confess, these were not the exact words,
But this was the sentiment I perceived,
And I found this thought to be more like God
For truly, the suggestions received during prayer
Was between accepting or rejecting God’s grace.
Perhaps this is why the saints urge all
To meditate on our Lord’s Passion,
For one who hears the screams of God
Carrying, falling, and then being nailed to His cross
Should better perceive His will.
The Son of God did not die so we’d learn to kill ourselves.
The Son of God died to teach us how life conquers death.
So every thought, however it may feel upon receiving,
Know whether it promotes life or death
And then we’ll know who sent it.