35 (V) - Lament, To be Loved by the World and God

V
If we’re to pray as we’ve received
I’d give my thanks to thee.
But Father, I can’t live my life
Lying under gaslights.
Blessed are they who have not seen,
Yet they still believe,
But should I bear false witness,
To He who gave life to me?

Should I pray, “Thank you for the peace,”
If you say, “There’s no peace?”
Should I pray, “Thank you I am healed,”
If you say, “You’re not healed?”
I know that in your Word you’ve said,
Mountains be moved by faith,
But God, forgive me I’m too weak.
I feel like I’m lying to your face.

When I go to pray, I carry all my hate.
‘I’ve sinned against you, Lord.
Death’s what I do deserve.
Can I have death on my own terms?
I thank you for your grace,
That you’ve delivered us from sin.
But I’d rather not suffer more,
Let me escape this world.’

The thought of Heaven tempts me,
The longer I’m not there.
But really when I pray these things,
I’m just sad I can’t give in.
They whisper thoughts which could kill,
How the bile stings my throat,
Knowing I could remove temptation,
By simply giving in.

They’d say, a flesh satiated,
Is a flesh not tempted.
Can Abel be murdered twice again?
Can a full man hunger?
One should experience the world,
Know how worthless it is.
Then you may be born again,
And dress yourself a saint.

Kyrie Eleison.
Pray Father, in spite of the world,
Pray I seek your face.
Let every other be a liar,
And let your Word be true.
The sons of God can’t live on bread alone.
Let us hear your Word.
And protect us from every lie,
Which prowls and seeks our life.

In some ways, I’m grateful for this small curse.
Father, pray it exists as proof of your grace,
That as you’ve suffered for us on that day,
We too may resurrect perfect and whole
From the scourges of the world in Heaven and Earth.