Ekeldema: A Tale of Babel

I kid, Lord. I’d probably be a priest for your sake,

But, by your will, I pray to do these things.

Well, I’ll quit being poetic now.

In short, the Rosary helped me define love,

And then I started to live it.

Young man I was, I killed my self-consciousness.

I was a self-conscious man. From that point I no longer was,

And because I cared little for myself,

I did what any young Christian man should do by God’s command.

I spited my loathsome life. I started to look for brides.

Now, I don’t know whether I should speak about my wife,

But for the good of another, I may speak about searching for a bride.

For a very long time, I envied Isaac

Because his example was advertised

In Prot Bible studies as relationship advice.

They said, “If you want a wife, be like Isaac!

Wait on the Lord, and the Lord will giveth!”

But me, I was a skeptical person,

And unlike the sects of Luther,

I wasn’t willing to lobotomize my brain for faith.

I had my reason. I told them,

“Isaac had ten camels, all the goods of his master,

And a servant. His dad was also Abraham, a rich man.

Maybe, if you were a woman, man, you could wait.

You could spread your legs, but man,

If you were a biblical man,

You should send your camels out to a lady,

And get married without even kneeling to ask.”

Okay, maybe I didn’t talk this harshly,

But I did mention how ridiculous it was

To present the Bible as proper marriage advice

When no one in the room actually followed it.

Do your daughters wear veils? No.

Do you plan on paying a dowry? No.

Do you have a servant? No?

What do you think about mail order brides? Barbaric.

So a man can’t send money to different country to buy a wife?

I never asked any of these questions,

Because I didn’t think they’d understand,

And because I tired of letting Satan accuse through me.

Here, in writing, I may do battle,

But if it came to reality, I might strangle the sheep.

Forgive me for digressing. What I mean to say was,

That I repented of my former assumptions regarding Isaac.

Such a man can’t really be envied for how he received his wife.

A chaste man, a virgin man, for 40 years.

Isaac was what the evil culture of today would call, “Wizard.”

However, Isaac was righteous, fearing God as his father did,

And through his patience, through his faith, he was saved.

So about Isaac’s bride, Isaac’s romance if you could

Call mail order marriage without pictures or letters romance,

If we ignore the fluff of atheist Christians today,

Men should find a tale about a son relying on his father.

Isaac, as a man of forty years, was a man

Who relied on his father, Abraham for heavenly gifts.

As such, men who seek the life of God,

Should thereby rely on their heavenly Father,

Who Himself is greater than Abraham.

Likewise, they should rely on all men called “father,”

For gifts which come from above.

Therefore, when a bride is sought, seek your father’s help.

If your father’s dead, then find another father,

Who can be a priest, a family man, or the Father in Heaven,

For so much as unions may be mathematically arranged,

For love God may will the most ridiculous circumstance.

Yea, there’s nothing more certain

Than beautiful people marrying.

There’s nothing more certain

That most people end up burning,

That most people end up married,

But the Lord for those who accept His mercies,

Shall show a straight path for love between woman and man

Which shall rather help get one into Heaven than Hell.

One must receive a bride through the Father, who is God.

Practically, on earth, this is reflected through an earthly father,

They whom she will call dad, papa, or dada.

If the two are orphans, then the priest is a father too

Because by that father’s blessings, married are the two.

So again, about Isaac,

From him, I repented of my former notions.

His marriage wasn’t just a mail order bride thing,

But a marriage caused by him relying entirely on his papa.

Knowing Isaac relied on his father,

I decided to do the same, with a father of my own.

Forgive me, I think this is enough about a topic

That’s wholly uninteresting. There’s no despair,

Just a lot of hopeful advice.

I mean, if one wants company, they could find a Magdeline,

But if one wants a wife,

Then like holy Isaac, you will have to rely on Dad, on God.

Now, as a preface, you will have to forgive me,

If what I am to tell regarding this tale in my life bores.

I’ve decided, she will have me hanged if I tell much,

So what I write about this tale will be boring. Got that?

Okay, now I’ll go take a break.

I might want to write some other things

Before I begin the next book.

Just know, before I end, that when I started to look,

I didn’t have ten camels, or many gifts,

But I did have what was most important,

A father, a father consecrated, and a Father who was God.

Through this trinity, let’s say I did something similar

To that holy man Isaac, just that if my tale were to be Scripture,

My biographers would make a lot of black ink white.

52 - A Tale of Babel (XI)