FDOAMS: On Loneliness

Loneliness, A Path To Heaven, And the Decline of Nations

I, I

I—

I wonder if the use of this syllable “I” is a reflection of our times. Has there ever been a people so lonely in their lives?

Generations past call the new ones self-centered, focused on themselves, “ME, ME, ME,” generation. However, I only see children acting out the example of they who raised them.

I have no idea where I am going with this. In my time I have taken to that advice, from which we may call “prayer and fasting.” There are so many things that one may allow God to teach. Yet, the truth is often bitter, and one would rather take some other bread to eat.

Let the Scientist make this confession on behalf of his brethren by the fireplace. We grew up in a very lonely way. We blame no one else but ourselves. Growing up we had many friends. Then, for reasons related to our proclivity towards instant gratification, we closed ourselves in. Our world went from green grass, sun, and relationships to a one flat apartment, one chamber in a suburban property with a computer, toys, and ourselves to play with. We would go to school, drown ourselves in our studies, and then come home to play some game on our computer. Vicariously, we lived through the eyes of other men, and we lived this lonely life till the day of our graduation, where, after some prosperous thinking, we decided to make a change.

No more lonely times! The world shall hear our cry! Hah, I say it all worked out in the end. Yet, to compare the self of then to the self of now … it is as if I performed plastic surgery, that of a natural kind, on a very, very ugly man.

Now, it is less “I,” and more “we” in our thinking. We can do better. We can build this castle. We can buy that property. So on, and so on.

Yet, it was tough then to make the transition. We had not a point of reference to go from “me” to “we.” How could we deal with loneliness? We joined fraternities. We went to parties. We didn’t fit in so we searched for other avenues. We went to church. We went to parties. The religious were hospitable enough, yet at times, during those gatherings, during those dinners, during those post-service hours of talk, a part of us felt like we just were not there. The stuff we would have liked to talk about: money, poverty, riches, fame, renown, getting stronger, ending our slavery … we were just not there.

Getting people to like you. Winning friends and influencing people … these are pleasant skills to have. We learned them. We want people to like us, they like us. Yet, the reasons for liking us—that always mattered much more than them actually liking us.

Going from people to people, we always felt like they liked an idea of who we were. Did they like, could they like who we actually were? Perhaps, this is a feeling which many may relate.

In this part, we can observe that the lot of us present ourselves as products, yet still pray that we are not viewed as products. We present ourselves as objects, this idea of a human being with a splendid social life, loving relationships, and fulfilling work, but at times there is the stretch between actually being that human and existing as the abstraction.

Hmm, allow me to illustrate this point. People say they do not like to be “objectified.” That is true. We don’t like being objectified either. We say things like “I am more than…” sometimes to express this dislike towards objectification. However, at the end of the day we are all objects of some kind. We are all customers, we are all either men or women, we are all beings who represent some measure of value to people who would view us objectively: middle class, lower class, upper class. They are atomized. They are chess pieces in a much larger game called Civilization. There are factory workers and office workers. They are atomized. They are chess pieces in this game called Civilization. Scientists, doctors, kings, queens, presidents, chancellors, politicians, from the rich to the poor we are all like pieces in somebody else’s game. Who moves the king? Who moves the doctor? Who moves who? Who can tell? We are being moved, but who are the movers?

Man, woman, all of humanity is being counted.

“My name is —. I am a —.”

Excuse me, there is … I am getting caught up in a fake debate. Honestly, who cares if we are objectivized. These are simple things. Nobody wants to be reduced to just a title. People have their names first and their titles second.

Then, we may have erred by living by our title rather than by our name. Both … my head hurts. Something changed, and life got much better. What was it? I can’t remember at the moment. We exist in the present moment. We are more than a product. We are a good product? We are a product and that’s okay.

We are the product that we desired to be.

There. That is it. We stopped being lonely when we started working for ourselves. Forgive me, forgive us. We’ve been working for a long time. We are tired.

We count these observations. To think them bad or good is all up to the viewer. We grew up in a time where inventions like social media and smartphones were absolutely charming. This is all just me. I didn’t feel like they were as atomized then. Ah, perhaps it is all just me.

What am I supposed to do? Isn’t that the question? The Prince and the Child, they have pretty clear ideas on what they want to do. I have ideas on what I want to do. We can spot problems. How can we own them? We all have the same dream. What is our part in working towards that dream?

We had a whole population sedated on bread and circuses. Then what happened? What did we do? By God, we could only do what we were meant to do.

Forgive me, forgive us. I am losing track. This thought was on loneliness. Should we talk about something specific? Yes, let us do that. Loneliness as a man. Now that, that is rough. I am not here to complain about it though, just to note some observances.

People who play sports. They are fine. It is wise for men to keep themselves physically fit. We once lived in a very common time, one of decadence and poverty. Personally, we found ourselves afloat, above it all. However, when one looks down to that abyss it is very draining.

Hmm, I do not wish to write about it. Thinking back on it, it all feels like a really bad dream. Perhaps I should just leave a note for them. Yes, let us do that.

Lament, lament, our hope has died.

What are we to do this next night?

Lament, lament, our hope has died.

Who among us can be our new sun?

Who among us is our chosen one?

Who, who, who? Who among you?

Ah, there should be more to this thought. Say, Prince, what do you want to do? Uh huh, uh huh, you want a really pretty princess to marry? I thought you would be the type to want multiple wives. Not anymore? Wait, now your position is that you are okay with having a harem, but that having one queen to love as if she were a thousand girls is most optimal? I suppose that is one kind of character development.

You are asking me what I think about romance? Well, I used to keep to myself and drown myself in books so I never thought about it. Now I ………… there is a type, an old-fashioned girl I would like. So, basically what you want. My only thought is whether she would want us. This girl who goes to church, wears modest dresses, and—this shouldn’t feel like I am describing a unicorn, yet it does. I know they exist because our grandmother was one of them, Prince. I would just have to be the kind of man our grandfather was.

Do you think I have that potential? I do, you say? You and him are just here to help carry me along till I can walk on my own? Okay then. But would she want us? Who cares if she wants us? Sir, I don’t think Beauty and the Beast should be our model for romance. Yes, I understand that our grandfather was like that character! I know! I know I call myself a mad scientist, but I think we are all mad. You, you, actually in my own observances I can consider you right in your advice.

Strangely, from what I have observed of other people, one person doesn’t actually have to like the other person as much as the other person likes them to have—wait a minute. People can fall in love with people who don’t even care about them. So, the choice either lives in one person or the other, and it is always the person with more power over who gets to love who. Masculine and Feminine styles of love. Goodness friend, both send shivers down my spine.

To have man at the mercy of a woman’s choice or to have woman at the mercy of a man’s choice? We know which one is more beneficial for us, but ah! Prince, I am not so sure if we live in a country that reflects the values of our grandfather’s times! Actually, what use are these dialogues. We know what we have to do. So, we should just work at it. Responsibly, we know that a person who is poor, ugly, and weak will either be lonely or die. On the other hand a person who is handsome, rich, and strong will have a long-term path to companionship. Oh my goodness! So that is why lonely people would prefer to die! A man can be so lonely that they would want to return to God just so that could have somebody to talk to!

This… this… that is… pretty screwed up. On our part … you say I am the only one of us out of our band who still has those thoughts? Well, I won’t lie, I do. If I make a claim towards mental illness I would still have a shot at Purgatory.

And, on this point, I am curious why God would just let people be born just to suffer. By our calculations, we know He is real. It is just the questions of “why” God does things that causes my brain’s engine to smoke.

Like, lets say that life really is sacred and a gift. People generally do not like killing pregnant women. People do not like killing fetuses or things that are going to be a future human. I have once heard that if somebody is without sin they can get to Heaven. To follow through on that logic why don’t we just kill babies then because they can not sin? A baby has no sin. What can they do? And, well fine, maybe people are born with original sin. Well if they are born with original sin, then why not kill a human before they are born to sin?

See where I am getting at here? Personally, by God, I know that it is wrong to kill fetuses. However, the why is a bit confusing when the logic is placed out like that. The most efficient way to send people to Heaven apparently is to kill them before they’re even born. If we allow child births, what we have is a human born with the potential to sin. Definitely, they will sin, and they will be at risk of our so-called “eternal hellfire.” Apparently, God will allow someone to be born to reduce their chances of getting into heaven. With conclusions like these, it is a miracle we are still Christian. Personally, I find that the former conclusions, taken from a matter from fake politics are a load of dung. I don’t think people have anything real to fight for, so we just make up issues to protest about to make ourselves feel important.

When it comes down to it, every enemy that one of our soldiers has to shoot was also once a fetus in the womb. The measure, the ringing in my brain puzzles to know how the sanctity of life mixes with the competition to kill one another for resources. I can hardly fathom it. Life is sacred until the point where it is not. Should the enemy soldier have been aborted, then that would have been one less risk to your nation.

And, I am having chills down my spine to know, praise God, that I am getting closer to the why on these issues.

Friends, we are of God, we know why killing fetuses is wrong. Do we know why? And, you can find the answers in Scripture, however, let me lead with my own interpretation.

Lets say we have two populations of people: God-fearing people and Non-God-fearing people. If the Non-God-fearing people out-populate the God-fearing people, then the Non-God-fearing people will rule. And, what Non-God-fearing people would try to do is to convince God-fearing people to abort themselves, because when God-fearing people abort themselves then there are less enemies to fight.

Now imagine a world where one country could convince a country they don’t like to abort the next generation of said country. Imagine how easy it would be for that one country to roll into the other country. Their young men would be fighting the other’s old men who fight with the few young men who were born. Of course, this nation who is weakening in population, the people who run it aren’t that stupid. They would hear reports of declining birthrates and they would see that logistically they would have to create a military that can be more effective with less manpower. So they’d start … they’d make … drafting from the … I am losing my point. I am losing my mind.

By our Scripture, it is mandated by God that our God-fearing people should always aim to out-populate the non-God-fearing people in one way or another. Whether it be through making children, war, or conversion, it does not matter how. What matters is that people know to fear the God who made them. Yet, how easy it would be for devils to take over this world, should all the God-fearing men and women be taken out of the fight?

And woe, especially in those places with what we can observe to have mob democracy. Let me ask you, friends, in a democracy whose population are devils who is voted into power? Or, I suppose we can use a term that is more human. In a democracy whose population are idolaters, adulterers, fornicators, worshippers of themselves, then who is voted into power? Let me ask you all, my good friends, as a scientist, and as one of a ill-bred blood who cares about other people, why should a non-God-fearing leader voted in by non-God-fearing people care about making laws to benefit God-fearing men and women? No, they will make laws which benefit hell.

Now, I am not a lawyer. But, I can read between the lines, and see the message going off. I can see which is best, which is worst, and which is better.

My spouse may not like this illustration. I’ll make it anyways.

In a country which exists in the past and present, a woman commits adultery and is stoned to death. A man commits adultery, he is also stoned to death.

In a country which exists in the past and present, a woman commits adultery, divorces, and is given monetary compensation by the man who suffered the woman’s adultery. A man commits adultery, divorces, and is forced to give monetary compensation to his former wife.

In a perfect world, what I would consider to be “best,” a different thing occurs. This is only to say that between these two countries, I find one option to be better and one option to be worst. In one country an evil was punished. In one country an evil was rewarded.

Forgiveness, that almighty virtue lived for by our Lord our God, was not a factor which either country regarded. So instead, we have our options between punishing evil or rewarding evil. An adulterer may walk away with their life. However, it is the devil’s work to create a society where sin is rewarded.

I would suspect that these countries could have only gotten to this point if well-meaning people were deceived by the people who voted them in. The country which finds itself suddenly rewarding evil acts; I don’t think its people get there by trying to do evil on purpose. The country is like a child who sneaks off to a beach without pesky lifeguards, walking through the ocean, towards the horizon. For a great distance they can feel their feet on the sand. Then the water they hit is shallow. Then they can swim. They can never see the drop-off point until its too late, and at that point an unexpected tide takes them and, well, who can save them? The child is going to have to save themselves or die unless God jumps after them.

A part of me prays for the future leaders of these declining democracies. Some of them are republics, but even those are starting to look more like a nation ruled by its mobs. Any God-fearing man, who is fortunate enough to be voted in by the half of the population that still wishes to swim to shore; they will be fighting an uphill battle in the courts and boardrooms and one day they may learn the truth that no law can be backed without steel.

I am a scientist, not a historian. Prince, you have filled your mind with Plutarch, Ovid, and … okay fine, I read those also, but you are the one who paces back and forth by … okay, fine I do that also. Get back on the point?

This thought was about loneliness, and then we talked about abortions, and then we talked about how a democracy declines when its people no longer fear God.

Maybe this why we feel lonely. We feel like some prophecy, some beat in history is about to be repeated. We feel this way, yet we find it difficult to talk to the people around us about this beat. The churches take persecution to be a staple part of life. Yet, yet, all those who are persecuted were all those who were once strong, people—I am losing my point.

I have found that people take to reading when they have no idea what they should do. They also say that all those who can not do, teach. I am writing, and I can not tell whether I am teaching during this time or reading. Loneliness is such an abstract enemy. It is not something we can punch.

A well-meaning population who makes poor policy is an abstract ill. It is not something we can take a hammer to nail. I feel like the answers to these questions: “What is going to happen. What should I do?” are really simple. Loneliness, lonely, alone. No, we are not alone. I am deluding myself. Forgive me, forgive us. I may have taken a step into basic tribalism. This is not a thing to discuss for civilized people, no?

Civilized people. Prince, Child, this is a weird costume we were born to put on. Civilization. What happens to civilized people? I am overthinking things. Next time we should write about happier things. Good thoughts make a good world.

Being what I am, I should conceive my own inventions.